Yes, their ideation is ridiculously simplistic and the masala cent percent formula-driven, but their cinemascope no-brainers are any day more appealing than the much-hyped Dons, Ra-Ones and Raavans of Bollywood.
‘Players’ is their queer official remake of the 1969 British release The Italian Job that had seen already an American redesign as recent as in 2003. But the staple entertainment is missing throughout, in the mad rush to accommodate hi-tech extravaganza - wonder gadgets, road machines, bikini babes and breathtaking locales. The cinematography is the only highlight of the film. Sadly, Pritam’s music fails to deliver what could have proved an able support.
The brothers-in-arms could well have made a better product in half the money spent on this ambitious venture. Rather than recreate Mumbai in Welington, they could have gainfully done the reverse to focus on cost-effective means like better use of a trusted lieutenant like Jonny Lever or a convincing storyline. Instead, they have reassembled a completely knocked-down bunch of players, each defined (but not refined) with clumsy traits.
Abhishek Bachchan is Charlie - a dumb “Idea-brand sirji” of a chosen pack, chartered accountant cum second-in-command to the captive ganglord Victor dada (Vinod Khanna looking exceptionally frail and weary). After ‘Khele Hum Jee Jaan Se’ and ‘Dum Maro Dum’, this is the third film where he plays hero for name sake. Here, Neil Nitin Mukesh has better footage and Sikander Kher, Omi Vaidya and Jonny lever make better impact. Bachchan Junior simply lingers in every frame by default.
Victor Dada’s fag-end life mission is to build the world’s best orphanage. The only option to raise money for this noble venture is a heist, a tip from another dying mafia don - Aftaab Shivadasani (who can’t even pass off as a local goon in appearance). The second challenge is shielding the plan from Dada’s hacking-expert daughter Sonam Kapoor (Ms. Kapoor at her retarded best, fighting her lifelong challenge of Acting) who wants her deformed dad reformed for good.
So Charlie discreetly sets about his mission with handpicked players - illusionist Bobby Deol (poor man’s Hrithik Roshan fighting to fulfil his daugther’s tacit Guzaarish); prosthetic make up champ Omi Vaidya (surprisingly, much bearable, providing few amusing moments in conjunction with Jonny lever); the deaf explosive expert-cum-polyglot (Sikander kher is impressive but sparingly used as always) and automobile specialist and fraudster Bipasha Basu (looking bloated in a Kalpana Iyer-like avatar). Neil Nitin Mukesh is impressive as the seemingly harmless hacker bad guy (these days, Bad men.2 of Bollywood come armed with computer networking skills, the business networks are no longer mandatory)
In the course of their duty, the players swap each other skillsets but it hardly matters in the mayhem that pervades the whole film. Save for the train robbery scene - of the Romania-bound railway consignment, most of the frames are devoid of life and the drama disgustingly predictable. As different heads are held at gun points at regular intervals, you feel tempted to point one at the director duo to demand the film’s end which comes not before leaving you exhausted.
The last frame shows happy children running around in the world’s best orphanage. Hope the institution at least offers free admission to Romanian students, considering the fact that the latter’s gold forms most of its corpus. Wonder where all this gold was traded for triggering the noble cause?
F Gary Gray, who directed the 2003 American remake, is reportedly planning a sequel called “The Brazilian Job” soon. Hope our eminent brothers don’t have a similar “Indian Job” in mind since they have already made a big mess of their first job! Ab Bas Mastaan!